why are my nipples down there?

Pregnancy does strange things to your body, but even stranger things to your breasts…….

We know our stomachs will probably take most of the damage caused by the daily diet of Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and whatever else you shovelled into your mouth because you were eating for two. We know there’s a possibility that you might not be able to jump on a Trampoline or laugh without peeing yourself ever again. But why did nobody confess how damaging the whole baby thing is to your poor boobs. Why aren’t we warned that there’s a chance they might sag, droop, be covered in stretch marks, and could even end up looking like a snooker ball in a sock?

The road from pregnancy to post-pregnancy is a long and bumpy one for your chest. Even if you aren’t blessed in the boob department, your breasts can go from Kate Moss bee stings to something Dolly Parton would sing about. At first you’re pretty smug that they’ve expanded to Jordan size, but it doesn’t last forever. Mother nature can be cruel, and things can rapidly go down hill, leaving you with saggy breast syndrome. After the milk has dried up and your balloons have deflated, you could end up needing a structurally engineered bra to stop them migrating to under your armpits. You don’t need to study Isaac Newton’s theory of Gravity to know that what goes up must come down, and even David Blaine’s magic won’t be able to restore them to their former glory. Even your Nipples experience significant changes and look like something out of Bullseye. If you freeboobed in your twenties, nipples had the potential to poke eyes out and had a bewitching perfect symmetry. After months of your child sucking the life out of them, they point in every direction, except up.

Breasts go through a lot of changes during a woman’s lifetime, but saggy or perky, big or small, men and babies will always be captivated by them. So love your post-pregnancy breasts because shape and size doesn’t matter -that’s what push-up bras are for.  Just support them, whatever direction they are heading.