Just lie back and think of England..

When did sex stop being kinky?

I vividly remember having a sex life before I had children, and not even the lie back and think of England kind. I’m talking about the can’t keep your hands off each other, going at it like rabbits kind of kinky sex. Having sex for the first time after you’ve been through the trauma of labour is like losing your virginity again, but much scarier. kinky sex now is just staying awake during sex or making the effort to take your socks off. Sexy lingerie is a thing of the past, because now you have to shoe horn yourself into it and that can take longer than the sex. Messing around with stockings and suspenders is an impossible challenge of coordination when you’ve only had three hours sleep. Sexy lingerie is now anything matching, anything that hasn’t turned grey in the wash or anything you can find clean in the drawer. Dirty sex is sex with your t-shirt on, the t-shirt which still has the baked beans stain down the front that your toddler wiped all over you at breakfast.
Remembering to shave your legs is not even a priority these days, because when you have to explain to two little boys why you’re trying to get your leg behind your head you just cant be bothered. I’ve never been to a yoga class in my life, but some of the positions I need to get my legs into to be hair free requires way too much flexibility. I can’t even remember the last time I had a bath without a World War breaking out or without somebody pleading with me to ‘come and wipe my bum’.
Sleep deprivation and the pressures of motherhood can leave you with the libido of a slug, but everything improves with time, everybody gets back into the groove. My advice is to embrace the quickie, and if you want to get your sex life back on track and you don’t want any more children , tell your partner to keep a sock on..



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